To Love Again
by Morikawa Sei
Summary: Hakkai agonizing becos he couldn't bring himself to love again, will the events that follow made him admit his true feelings. HakkaixGoku *COMPLETED*
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimers: I don't own Saiyuki I just "borrow" them for this fic ^^

Note: This is my first time writing a Saiyuki fic so pls be gentle with me when u comment ^^ writing this while at work. And some spoiler ahead manga vol 4 and 5.

Note2: Hakkai x Goku (too little of their fics)

Romance, angst PG-13

To Love Again

_Flash back_

_"Why did you do that for?! I was thinking how beautiful your eyes are just now!" _

"Beautiful....... I think i heard that comment before....... Kanan..." 

_*Your hands are beautiful*_

_*Isn't it strange to say a man is beautiful?*_

_*********_

"Oi Hakkai." Hakkai jerked a little as he opened his eyes to the familiar face in front of him. 

"Sanzo...." It was really rare to wake up later than Sanzo, usually Hakkai would be the first to wake up before anyone everyone. "........." Sanzo kept quiet as he looked at Hakkai for a while, before turning around to open the door and make his way downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast, his daily dose of newspaper and cigarettes. Hakkai sat on his bed for a while, was it so obvious? The pain in his face, in his eyes, the pain that wouldn't go away, no matter how long. No matter how he tried to cover them up with the smile he always had on his face, no matter how........

"Ohayo~~!" Hakkai smiled at the golden eyes boy who greeted him with so much energy without fail every morning, and watching Goku for a while, the feeling in his heart. *_I was thinking how beautiful your eyes are just now* _"Kanan......" Hakkai whispered, he shook his head and smiled, why was he thinking of Kanan all over again. No its wasn't that he had forgotten her at all, just that what Goku had said reminded him so much of what Kanan said, something so similar. Why was he remembering all these now? These words.... Goku said them 3 years ago when Sanzo was after him to bring him to justice, after Gojyo saved him. Why it never seem to bother him......those words......like now, what was that feeling stirring inside him. Hakkai stood there for a while, lost in his thoughts, when he felt a hand on his shoulders. 

"Thinking about something?" "Gojyo..." Hakkai turned around and smiled, that fake smile again, Gojyo was probably thinking. "Iie, its nothing." Hakkai gave Gojyo a reassuring smile and started walking towards the stairs. Gojyo just looked at Hakkai's back for a while before joining him.

**********

"Ah.... I'm full~~~" Goku sighed contentedly as he rub his slightly swollen tummy for a while. Hakkai was smiling as usual as he helped cleared the plates from the table. It wasn't really polite to always leave things unclear around, so Hakkai had took it himself to clear up the table and washed the dishes. He had asked Gojyo to run some errands for him, restocking their food suppliers before they set off. Sanzo had moved to the comfort of his room to read his newspaper in peace. Hakkai smiled as he washed the plates, but somehow he felt sad inside, the aching sorrow. He didn't even know why he keeps on smiling when he knew very well he was aching inside all over again. "_Kanan......_" 

"Hakkai.....ne r u alright?" Hakkai looked toward his side, a pair of concern golden eyes looking at him. "_Goku.... Kanan will you forgive me if my whole heart doesn't belong to you anymore...... if my hands no longer held yours only....? _" "Hakkai?" Snapped out of this thoughts, he smiled at the boy at his side. "I'm alright Goku." "But you are so quiet just now....and the basin is over-flowing with water." Realizing this Hakkai quickly turned off the tap before any more water was to spilled onto the floor. 

It was lucky not much water was spilled so it didn't took them long to clean up the floor, Goku had volunteer to help in wiping dry the plates as Hakkai washed them. "He must be worry about me...." Hakkai thought as he noticed Goku stole a few glances at him. Goku was trying very hard not to look so worry, he hates it when people hide secrets from him. He knew Hakkai was troubled, from all the strange behaviors, it was really too obvious. But how was he going to find out when Hakkai just hide behind those thick masks of his. And it made him feel more frustrated when Hakkai kept turning round and give him that reassuring smile. "_I don't want you to tell me not to worry... I want you to tell me what's bothering you....._" Goku thought. 

Hakkai was surprise how quiet Goku could be, he was always so lively and cheery, was it because of him....? He didn't notice his smile had faded, when he felt a hand tugging at his sleeve. Puzzled he turned around a looked at Goku. His eyes soften and his heart melt when he saw those innocent eyes, so filled with concern for him, the desire to want to know what's in his mind. He almost wanted to lean forward and kiss those beautiful eyes, but he didn't, he wouldn't, he couldn't...... "Ne Hakkai...." "Yes Goku." Hakkai smiled, that fake smile again. "Is there .... something bothering you....?" Goku mustered up his courage to say out those words. The courage was different, different to those how he would use when asking Sanzo something, at most Sanzo would do was hit him on his head with the fan and scolded him baka saru, but in the end Sanzo would always tell him, it didn't matter how, as long as he get to know what he wanted to. But Hakkai was different, he would never push Goku away like how Sanzo did, but he never seem to want to bare his inner self either, instead he choose to hide himself away.

"Nothing, I'm alright." Hakkai smiled, Goku knew he was lying but he knew too, Hakkai would never tell him, not to him, not to Sanzo, not even to Gojyo. Goku hanged his head low, disappointed, when he felt Hakkai's hand on his shoulder, comforting him. "Arigatou Goku, thank you for your concern...." Goku knew Hakkai would never say no matter how hard he was going to ask, so he shut up. 

*******************

to be continue

_Author's note: So what u guys think? I'll continue this fiction not to worry~~~ Will Hakkai be honest with his feeling he has toward Goku, will he even realise its love? Well wait and find out~~~~~_


	2. Chapter 2: Hidden Love

Title: To Love Again -Chapter 2 --Hidden Love

Disclaimers: I don't own Saiyuki I just "borrow" them for this fic ^^

Author's thoughts: Ahh..... since its suppose to be angst I have decided to make thing a *little* complicated.....Time for a little back to the past 500 years ago.... I'm really making this complicated, maybe I'll lengthen this fiction..... dun kill me and make me into meat balls pls ;_; I already got a friend who wants to do that to me .... {Sei run and hide in a dustbin where no one will find her) Now on with the story. Again some minor spoiler ahead..... a bit of Gaiden.......

Hakkai x Goku 

Hidden Love

_500 years ago_

_"Tenpou, I didn't know you adore kids...." _

Tenpou sat quietly in his room, his eyes on the book in his hands, but his mind somewhere else. "_Goku..... someone who can gain enlightenment from nothing...._" He didn't even notice Kenren had entered his room after apparently knocking on his door for a fruitless 10 minutes. Kenren knew Tenpou was probably too engrossed in his reading again, so he decided it was futile to call him, instead he put the papers that needed him to sign in front of him covering the opened book. Kenren paused, Tenpou's eyes were still on the book, which was already covered by the documents. 

"Earth calling Tenpou Gensui......" Kenren said aloud and decided since Tenpou was obviously not listening, his mind drifting in outer space, he shook Tenpou's shoulder to bring his friend out of the whatever trance he was in. "Ahh... Kenren." Tenpou gave a half-hearted smile, "What's this?" He asked pointing at the documents in front of him. "Something you'll have to sign as usual...." Kenren said as he lit the cigarette and took a deep puff out of it. There was an odd silence there. It was way too strange. Kenren thought why was Tenpou so quiet all the sudden, alright he was always quiet but this was a little strange. Kenren watched Tenpou signed the papers half-heartedly and passed lazily back to him. Deciding Tenpou wasn't probably going to say anything, Kenren gave him a smile and started to move to the door. Half way through, he stopped.

"Kenren..." Tenpou said, his voice soft yet it felt so dark and secretive. "What?" Kenren closed the already half opened door and faced Tenpou. 

"Have you heard about the young boy that was brought to Heaven recently?" 

"What boy?"

Tenpou smirk, if it had been a beautiful woman, maybe Kenren would take more notice of it.

"A boy named Goku, born out of a rock, he's now in the care of Konzen."

"Konzen?" Kenren mouth twitched a little. "Konzen Douji? That boring guy you have been telling me about?"

"That's right." Tenpou said, his eyes never leaving the opened book back in his hands.

"So what's about this boy?"

".....He had golden eyes......"

"What...?" The mention of golden eyes sparked some interest and surprise in Kenren, it was rumored those born with golden eyes could either be a blessing to Heaven or a threat, but most would treat it more like a heretic. 

"So..... what's he doing with that boring Konzen anyway?" Kenren asked, he could never imagine having a guy like Konzen to care for a child, since Konzen was already a well-known "no-life" guy. 

"Apparently he was 'forced' to take care of the boy by the order of Kanzeon Bosatsu." 

"Ah I see, that explained a lot..... so how's the boy like?" Kenren knew there must be something that caused Tenpou to suddenly talked about this mysterious boy called Goku. Tenpou was never really interested in real people, he was always more engrossed with his books, with the human history. 

"Playful, energetic and loveable...." Tenpou smiled as the image of Goku appeared in his mind. 

"Something about him attracted you....?" Kenren decided to ask more direct since Tenpou would probably be playing his hard-to-figure-it-out chat.

"Nope." Tenpou smiled and lifted his eyes to look at the Taisho in front of him, taking out a cigarette to smoke, and gave a little sigh, probably hinting to Kenren that he wanted to end this little chat they were having. Sensing this, Kenren smiled and started toward the door again. "I should be going, have to pass these documents to that dragon boy, if not he'll be hounding me non-stop for it."

Tenpou watched the door closed. "_Attract me?.........Love at first sight?_" He thought. He could see why Konzen liked that boy so much, those playfulness, innocent, and naive character in Goku. He brought something that couldn't be found in Heaven anymore. *_Innocence_* He brought joy (though Konzen would never admit it) and laughers, happiness and changes. He changed Konzen. 

And Tenpou knew, from the way Goku looked at Konzen, from the way he wanted so much to hold his hands, yet so afraid, and holding his long golden hair instead..... Tenpou knew, no matter how much he could try, Goku would never be his. Konzen had told him, when he first met the boy, Goku had said Konzen looked like the sun. "_The sun in his life...?_" Tenpou managed a weak smile. "It would never be me....."

*****************

He had ran after Goku after he heard his conversation with Konzen about Nataku. He didn't notice Konzen wasn't behind him anymore, he just kept running. He charged toward Litouten, trying to slash him up, why? He wanted to protect Goku, and its the only thing he could do..... to express his hidden love.

He wanted Goku..... though he never said it out. He wanted him more than anything...... but Konzen was there. There in Goku's eyes, there in Goku's heart. Goku's sun.....

How could he bear to do it....? Snatch Goku away? Shattered his friendship with Konzen, and having Kenren scolding him an idiot.... and most of all hurting Goku, he couldn't do it..... and after 500 years, as Cho Hakkai...... he still couldn't do it. Do something he couldn't do 500 years ago, he couldn't bring himself to love Goku..... Now even if things had changed he still couldn't do it..... 

_Kanan......_

To be continue

Ending Author's notes: Well what do you all think? I thought adding in a little Gaiden would be nice, making it more angst..... Was trying to think what to write for chapter 2 when this idea popped up.... Tenpou sounded a little OCC here but hope everyone doesn't mind. This fiction will probably end up being long..... uhhhhh review me tell me if you all still want the story to go on to a few more chapters, if not I'll think of how to end this in the next chapter or two.


	3. Chapter 3: What's that inside?

Title: To Love Again -Chapter 3 -- What's that inside...?

Disclaimers: I don't own Saiyuki I just "borrow" them for this fic ^^

Author's senseless outing rant: AAAHHHH ARIGATOU everyone who review my work ^___^ . This chapter is just plain senseless ranting, so its ok to skip this chapter since i find myself repeating myself..... uhhhh.... hmmm....anyway skipping this chapter (i think) won't hurt ^^

Hakkai x Goku 

What's that inside?

_That aching feeling again. _

"Everytime I look at Goku, I feel pain in my heart. It's so hard to describe the pain. The pain.... its so different.... different from when I lose my once true love.... different from any other emotions I ever experience..... what's that...... And my heart tighten whenever I came to realise he'll never be....m...i..ne."

*************************

"Hakkai you're too quiet." Hakkai gave a reassuring smile as he continue to drive, he took a look at Gojyo through the side mirror. Ever since that day in the kitchen, Gojyo had noticed Hakkai had been quieter as usual, yes he was always quiet, but now he was really too quiet. He didn't speak even when Gojyo and Goku were being beaten by Sanzo for being irritating behind. Often he only smiled when asked why he was quiet, and of course Hakkai had noticed, the look in Goku's eyes. He was really getting too obvious, his action..... _avoiding those eyes_. 

In the recent fights, his heart tighten whenever he saw how Goku fought so fiercely to protect Sanzo. His heart sank.... he didn't even know why he was feeling this way.... "_Am I jealous....?_" Hakkai had asked himself this question over and over again. "_It can't be....why will I be....?_" And more than once, the most unusual question popped out in his mind, "_Will Goku ever fight for me..... the way he fought for Sanzo....?_" And he had to scold himself for being an idiot to think like this. 

*************************

It was raining again.

Hakkai stared out the window. They had managed to get 4 rooms, and this was a blessing cause Sanzo was back to his moody self again. It would be unwise to be near him now. But Hakkai was glad he could be alone too, so nobody would see, the pain on his face. He sighed and sat on his bed, staring at his hands. "I can't hold anyone anymore..... they are stained wit too much blood...." Hakkai whispered to himself. Earlier in the day he almost made a fool of himself. Goku was injured while trying to protect Sanzo when a demon ambushed him from behind. The demon was severely wounded but it seem he wasn't going down alone. Goku was quick to block the attack but he was wounded in the process. And what made Hakkai's blood boiled was Sanzo not showing any concern at all. But.... Hakkai knew he was wrong. Sanzo did care for Goku, he always has, it was just he never show it that's all. Hakkai had raised his voice, earning himself surprised and odd stares from Sanzo and Gojyo. He was shocked too.... by his unusual behavior. And later throughout the rest of the journey till they reached the inn, it was all quiet. He was glad nobody brought this up again. 

A knock on the door. "Must be Gojyo..." Hakkai thought, his recent action and behavior must have gotten his friend worried, but he knew Gojyo would never prode further if he wasn't willing to open up. Hakkai's eyes widen, he never expect to see him at the door, not especially on a rainy night. 

Sanzo didn't say anything, he just pushed open the door and went in. Hakkai looked at him quietly as he made himself comfortable on the chair. It was silent for a while. "Sanzo.... something's bothering you?" Hakkai asked, without letting his eyes off the blonde monk. "Ch.." Was the only answer Hakkai received. He knew it was coming, and he knew Sanzo wasn't like Gojyo, he wouldn't give up until there's an answer. "More like something's bothering you." Sanzo said a few minutes later. 

A puff of smoke.

Hakkai slowly made his way to the table and sat down. The both men just sat there quietly, Hakkai just stared at the cup in front of him, he knew Sanzo was looking at him, waiting for a reply. What was he going to say? Say he has feeling for Goku..... say he feel crushed he couldn't have Goku..... tell Sanzo about that weird feeling eating him inside..... there wasn't anything Hakkai wanted to say........ All his inner secrets. 

All was quiet and this continue for a while. Then Hakkai looked up. He just heard Sanzo sighed. It wasn't the usual sigh he would made, it was more like a I'm-face-with-a-problematic-friend sigh. Hakkai smiled, from the dim light Sanzo caught sight of the sad smile Hakkai had on his face, not that fake one he's always wearing, a sincere yet sad one. "Fine.... you can tell me when the rain stop...." Sanzo said as he got up to leave the room, Hakkai could hear him said softly, almost so soft he could hardly hear it, "......when you feel like it....." 

The door closed.

Hakkai just continue to sit there, Sanzo would never come and ask him without any reason. "_He must have noticed_." Hakkai thought, he wasn't himself ever since that day. More than one time, he would jerked awake in the middle of the night. Just like how it was when he encountered Chin Iisou. Just that these few times, his dreams were just plain darkness, no image, nothing. Only emotions, those heart-breaking feeling, those strange yet familiar feelings, those piercing feelings, threatening to break him up completely if he didn't wake up. Hakkai buried his face in his hands and managed a soft sigh. Would Sanzo hate him if he take Goku away? He could see Goku cares for him. "_Goku cares for everyone...._" "_You all are my only family...._" Hakkai recalled Goku saying these to him once. Hakkai buried his face into his hands, the desperate feeling to cry was in his heart, the lump now in his throat. "Kanan...... what am I suppose to do......?" Hakkai said not realizing tears were already rolling down his cheeks.

*************************

In the other room.

Goku felt helpless. He curded up in his bed, "_It hurts_." He thought. Everytime he looked up at Hakkai, he could see the burning light in Hakkai's eyes. It was like he was going to say something, but then the light will fade away. Hakkai would then quickly turned away from him, his back facing him, and later returned again with that "smile" on his face. "_His smile....._" Goku thought. "_It hurts when I see him smile like that...._" Goku placed his hand on his chest. "_It really hurts...._"

Author's ending rant: AAHHHH Gojyo didn't get much appearance in this chapter.... and Sanzo, Hakkai and Goku seem..... rather OCC to me...... sigh..... this was getting too Hakkai centered, now everyone's in pain...... 


	4. Chapter 4: An Ambush

Title: To Love Again -Chapter 4 -- An Ambush

Disclaimers: Again I dun own Saiyuki, just "renting" them for a little fun ^^

Author's note: Initially i wanted things to go really haywire, like involving Hakkai and Sanzo having a fight, but.... after some thinking, I guess that's out of the question since I love the 4 of them, i want them to always continuing to have a good relationship and friendship, so I have decided to change my initial storyline. Apologies to those who are looking forward to a Hakkai and Sanzo fight..... and no....i dun think Homura will appear either gomen..... 

An Ambush

Everything happen too fast. Goku wanted to fight back, but he was too weak to do so. And the look from his capturer face made him froze with fear, he didn't dare move a muscle.

***********************

Goku couldn't sleep. From all the panting, moaning and screaming from the other room, it was way impossible to sleep in the first place. *Goan* "Why can't Gojyo just find some other places for his activities...?" Goku mumbled his complains under his breathe. The rain had stopped and he could see the stars clearly through the window. He sighed, he was glad it stopped raining, a rainy night always frightened him a little, because this was when Sanzo would be at his most unpredictable self, but then when was he predictable? His stomach grumbled a little and knowing it was way impossible to sleep with all the noise in the other room, he decided to go to the kitchen to see if there was anything he could snack on. 

He was disappointed, there wasn't much in the kitchen that could offer any relief to his grumbling stomach, how he wished Hakkai could cook something for him now. His face fell, he didn't know what he had done wrong, Hakkai was avoiding him. And the pain in his chest returned. Hakkai had always been the one who comforted him when he was sad, when Sanzo pushed him away, and it hurts now that the one man he loved talking to was avoiding him. Swallowing down the urge to cry, Goku scolded himself silly, why was there an urge to cry? He shook his head and decided to return to his room. 

He was half-way up the stairs when he noticed something strange downstairs. He slowly made his way back down, there was scratching sound. He summoned his staff and walked toward the door cautiously. He opened it with a flash hoping to surprise whoever it was outside. 

Goku almost fell down. It was only a small kitten, wet and shivering from the rain. He carried the poor creature in his arms. He was going to close the door when the kitten eyes flew open and jumped from Goku's arm and started running off. 

When Goku regained his senses, he was already in the middle of a forest, panting. He tried to recall what had happen in the past few minutes. All he remembered was chasing after the kitten without thinking. It was strange, why had he chased after it. Then he heard it, soft whines coming from a nearby bushes, he went over it and found the earlier kitten, one of its limbs, pierced by a branch and was bleeding. Immediately he felt sorry for it and quickly picked it up. But that move he made was fatal, because the moment the kitten was in his arms, it transform to a strange monster-like huge cat and bite on Goku's neck hard, sending its venom into Goku's blood stream.

***********************

Gojyo was woken by the rude banging on his door. But before he could get up and opened it, a gun shot was heard and Sanzo burst through the door. "Get up kappa, we have a problem!" Sanzo shouted, and without giving a second look at the naked form lying beside Gojyo he slammed the door shut and stormed downstairs. 

Gojyo wasn't going to like this, by the time he reached downstairs, he was greeted by a fretting monk and a worrying friend, the saru was nowhere to be seen. "W...what happen...?" Gojyo cried out when he saw the blood stained shirt that unmistakably belong to Goku. There were claw like scratches on it. Hakkai was holding on to the shirt with both his hands, his eyes shut tight, as if he was imagining the pain Goku must have gone through when he was clawed repeatedly. Sanzo snorted as he passed a note apparently written with blood to Gojyo. 

"Th.....this is outrageous!!!! " Gojyo shouted in anger. The note had said if they wanted Goku back, they must hand over the sutra of Evil to them by sunset today, if not the kidnappers would start chopping Goku up limp by limp. "Bu....but how can this be...? Goku is so strong!! How did this happen ?!!" Gojyo shouted as he slammed his fist on the table. He looked at Hakkai, and saw him agonizing over the blooded shirt, he never seen Hakkai looked so agonizing. 

"We'll give them what they want." Hakkai looked up, his eyes widen in disbelief. "But Sanzo we can't just give up the sutra......" Gojyo said, he was surprised Sanzo would say such a thing. "We don't have a choice." Sanzo answered calmly as he light his cigarette, "Unless you want to see a piece of that saru tomorrow morning." Gojyo couldn't debate on this anymore, he couldn't imagine the scene, having to see a piece of ear or arm that belong to Goku lying at the door tomorrow morning. "And besides, who say I'm going t give them the sutra...." Both Gojyo and Hakkai's eyes widened as they saw the way Sanzo smiled. A very evil smile. 


	5. Chapter 5: Be True

Ok here we are, not a long wait but I dun like to drag so here's the ending chapter for To Love Again... will probably be a long one.......

Disclaimer: Saiyuki doesn't belong to me.... if it belong to me... trust me you dun want to know........

Title: To Love Again Chapter 3 -- Be true (ending chapter)

Note: The usual..... shonuen ai .... pairings here and there but mainly a Hakkai x Goku one..... and some minor spoilers and lots of OCC......

Be true

Goku woke up with the sharp pains all around his body, he could hardly move, with all the raw wounds on his body, not to mention the poison still in his blood stream. It was dark, he shivered as a cold wind blew, his half naked body, wet with sweat and blood still flowing from his wounds. "I must be in a cave or what...." Goku thought as he heard the sound of water dripping from the ceiling. Goku noticed a movement, he kept still still pretending to be unconscious. Then he saw it, a demon or more like a monster. It look more like a tree monster, branch-like veins surrounding its own body, it was huge at least a good 2 meter high. It's face.... Goku took a breathe of cold air when he saw how the monster really looked like. It didn't have a face.... just a skull like head. The monster turned toward Goku, Goku's body stiffened, as he shut his eyes shut, what had happen the past few hours returned to him. After he was bitten by the cat monster he had tried to mustered up whatever strength to at least fight, but before he could attack the cat monster, he was knocked hard from behind. He had struggled to get up but the attacker had hit him flat with only one punch, and he froze when he looked at the attacker's face, the skull-like face..... Goku stayed still as he could feel the cold and smelly breathe from the tree-like monster near his face. It was like forever.... then Goku heard a voice. 

"It doesn't matter, he can't move anyway." Goku opened his eyes slightly and saw a blue-haired demon walking toward him. "You're awake, I can tell, no point playing dead." The blue-haired demon knee down next to him. "What do you want!" Goku hissed. The blue-haired demon smiled, "Nothing much just the sutra that's all." Goku's eyes widened, " Kougaiji's men?" The demon smirked, "Correction, Gyakuman send me..... ahh I forgot to introduce myself, my name is Ran. And that cute little kitten and that tree over there are my pets." Goku was puzzled, he only knew Kougaiji was aftering the sutra but who was Gyakuman.... "The person behind all these...." Goku thought, he recalled the conversation they had sometime back.... "The person responsible for all the demon going nuts..." 

"But have no fear...." Ran started to talked, as he got up and prepared to leave. "Your friends will be delivering the sutra to me soon..." 

"What make you think they'll give it to you!!!" Goku snapped back.

Ran stared at Goku menacing and reply, " They will, cause...." Goku didn't like the way Ran was playing with the tense atmosphere. "Cause if they don't, I'll start cutting you up piece by piece by sunset, one piece per hour, until you either die from the loss of blood or from the unbearable pain." Goku froze, he knew he had to stopped this demon, but how? He couldn't move because of the poison and he was weak from the loss of blood. And this moment, he realised how powerless he was, and as his mind drifted back into the depths of unconsciousness, the image of everyone appeared. "_Will I see them again...._" Goku's last thought..... 

*************************

Back at the inn.

Sanzo and Gojyo were chain smoking. Hakkai just kept staring at the torn up shirt in front of him. He was at a loss, Sanzo didn't mention any plan, when Gojyo had suggested a discussion of a plan to save Goku, Sanzo merely ignored the suggestion and continue to sit there to smoke. Hakkai was worried sick, how in the world were they going to save Goku without a plan. This wasn't the time for all these, he had to come in terms with his feelings, he knew such feelings could hinder him if they was to go rescue Goku. 

Hakkai startled, Sanzo had stood up. "Let's go." He merely mumbled and walked out. Gojyo shot from his seat, he was going to grab Sanzo and asked what plan he had, when Hakkai grabbed his arm. Hakkai shook his head as Gojyo looked at him. This wasn't the time to start a fight, Hakkai knew Sanzo well enough as not to provoke him now. "All we can do now is trust I guess..." Hakkai whispered softly. 

Sanzo knew, it was too easy for them. He knew whoever it was was probably spying on them now, if they was to have a rescue plan discuss there, it would be suicidal. "_They won't get what they want...._" Sanzo thought as he smirked, he had a plan, but he's not going to say it out, at least not now.....

*************************

Goku was yanked awake with a sharp pain in his wrists. He opened his eyes only to find himself being tied to a tree. The sun was setting. Ran was standing in front of him, probably looking out for Sanzo and the others. The tree monster and the cat monster were nowhere to be found. Goku knew there would definitely be a trap, he tried to break free, Ran turned around to face him and smirked. "Don't worry, you'll be joining them soon." 

Just as he finished speaking, the sound of a jeep. 

"GOKU!!!" Hakkai shouted when he saw the tied up boy at the tree. The blood flowing from his body had turned dark and Goku was sweating non-stop. 

"Ah Sanzo nice to meet you, I have heard a lot of you." Ran smirked as he eyed at Sanzo and the sutra lying on his shoulder. "Enough of the bullshits!" Sanzo snapped back. "The saru. Let him go and you can have the sutra." 

"NO! Sanzo don't give it to him, its a trap!!" Goku mustered up his strength and yelled, but he was only rewarded with a punch from Ran. "Goku!!" Ran yanked Goku head back and laughed mercilessly. Sanzo could feel his blood boiling within his veins, he looked at Gojyo and saw him clinging his fists tightly, so tightly his hands were blooding. And Hakkai, his facial expression was terrible. A mixture of agony and pain.

"I don't think you will give it up so easily...." Ran said as Sanzo, Hakkai and Gojyo felt 2 alien presences behind them. 

"Oh my..." Gojyo managed to utter when he saw the 2 monsters coming out from the woods. Sanzo only gave an irritated look, "I don't think you'll let that saru go anyway..." 

"...." Ran eyes narrowed, he drew a knife from his belt and still holding Goku's head back, he placed the knife at Goku's neck and with a little pressure, a line of blood started to tickled down from his neck. 

"GOKU!!" Hakkai shouted and tried to run forward only to stop when the tree monster blocked his path and gave him a powerful punch. "Hakkai!!" Gojyo rushed forward and quickly helped Hakkai up. 

Hakkai was shocked. Gojyo's jaws almost dropped. 

Sanzo had taken the sutra from his shoulder and threw it on the floor. "Go ahead take it...." Hakkai knew at that instant, Goku would never be his.... the sharp pain returned to his chest. Sanzo loved Goku as much as he had, maybe more that he. To Hakkai, the sutra is Sanzo's everything, but by willing to give it up, this gesture only show, only proved..... to Hakkai, he could never have what he desired. 

Ran had moved slowly to where the sutra was laying. With a smirk he picked it up and laughed mercilessly. His eyes shone brightly from the victorious feeling he was having. "Kill them." 

What happen the next few seconds was so fast Ran didn't even had any time to react. The sutra in his hands suddenly expanded and flew out several long scrolls. The scrolls surrounded him and the 2 monsters burning their bodies. At this moment, the trio took the chance to attack. Ran couldn't believe it, he had underestimated the Sanzo-ikkou. 

*************************

When Goku opened his eyes, he found himself in the comfort of the soft white sheets. Most of his wounds had either been healed or bandaged. He tried to get up but a hand stopped him. "Hakkai...." Goku smiled, the most cheerful smile Hakkai had ever seen.

*************************

Earlier.....

"I need to talk to you." Sanzo said. Hakkai was sitting alone at the pouch, staring at the night sky. The stars were shining brightly. They had defeated Ran and the 2 monsters, Hakkai had ran forward to Goku, ignoring his own injuries and almost nearing tears as he untied the boy from the tree. Sanzo had almost slapped him back there, because Hakkai was losing himself. As Hakkai watched, Sanzo had carried the unconscious Goku up the jeep, he had exchanged seat with Gojyo. Hakkai felt it again, the familiar pain in his chest, the same pain Tenpou had when he realised he can never be Goku's sun, maybe that was why he kept pushing Konzen to play a more active role is caring Goku. "_I never want to lose his smile..._" 

Hakkai sighed, more like a sigh of defeat. Sanzo just stared at him. Sanzo moved and made himself comfortable on the bench next to Hakkai. Both men were quiet, Hakkai was waiting for Sanzo to speak. 

"......Hakkai......" Hakkai rise his head, he looked at Sanzo, who just kept staring out into the night sky.

"Yes..?" Hakkai was afraid, afraid that Sanzo would say the things he fear worst. 

"You have one night, do you hear me, one night only...." Hakkai blinked, he didn't understand. Slowly Sanzo turned and looked at the green-eyes man next to him. "One night to be with Goku, be true to him and yourself." Hakkai couldn't believe what Sanzo was saying. "But Sanzo......" Hakkai protested, he knew Sanzo had always care for Goku, maybe love was a much better word to use. The same love Konzen had for Goku. "I don't want to repeat, one night and that's it." Sanzo said as he took another puff from his cigarette. 

"....Sanzo..." 

"Nani?"

"Domo arigatou......"

*************************

Hakkai held Goku's hands tightly, Goku's face was flushing red after what he heard coming from Hakkai's lips. Goku returned the grip in his hands and slowly warm tears flow down from his face. Goku didn't moved when Hakkai planted a kiss on his forehead, "Maybe one day..... one day I can be your sun....." Hakkai whispered as he felt his eyes blurring with tears as he embraced Goku in his arms. .

The end

Author's ending note: Yes its really the end...... gomen i know a lot of people will be disappointed by the ending..... but this is how it end......I know I went a bit off-track and out off my own initial planned story...... gomen everyone.....


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